All Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes | Chuck Norris Facts

All Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes

Find all of the Chuck Norris Facts listed below. Click on one of the facts to have it printed on a shirt.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
"Icy-Hot" is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one

When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave, he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?!
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"