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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
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Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
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When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
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Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
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Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
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Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
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Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
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Top Chuck Norris Facts
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
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Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
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When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
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Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
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Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
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Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
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Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
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Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
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The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
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Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
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Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
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Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
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Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
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Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
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Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
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The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
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Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
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The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
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Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
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What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
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Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
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A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
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Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
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Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
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Facts with the tag "killing"
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
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Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
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In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
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When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
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You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
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Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
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The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
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Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
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Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever!
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Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
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Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
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Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
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Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
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Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
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Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
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Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
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